In Control

Happiness

A famous Greek philosopher named Aristotle once said that ‘happiness depends upon ourselves.’ What he said had a lot of sense back then, and still does today. We make our own happiness and we can choose to be happy or unhappy with what we have. You are able to find happiness within yourself because you shouldn’t make the mistake on depending on anyone else for your happiness. I think this is what Aristotle wanted us to interpret when he said that.

I don’t think that in the memoir The Burn Journals by Brent Runyon quite understands what this means, but he gets to do it after various and constant shifts of emotions throughout the book. Brent includes a lot of different attitudes towards his situation during the book. 

We do get something from him, it’s that he really liked the Intensive Care Unit. When he has to move to the normal rooms he feels very nostalgic. Even when he only starts thinking about his rehab hospital in Delwaere he starts by being excited and he says that it will be good for him the he ‘will be happy’ and that he will ‘make new friends and try new things’ pg 113.

He doesn’t really mean it because he doesn’t understand how he can be happy in another place that is not the hospital. He ‘doesn’t want to leave’ in page 113 followed by a ‘Don’t make me leave’ which makes us appeal to his emotions and makes us feel sad for him, and this is exactly what he is trying to do because he quickly dismisses the thought of being said and starts being annoyed and throws some f-bombs ‘fuck it, its fucking useless.’ That is the moment when he knows that he is not going to be able to convince anyone and that eventually he is going to have to face reality and attend the rehab and leave the hospital.

What is interesting is that later on the same page he starts to be really sarcastic ‘Hey, Mom. Guess who tried to kill themselves a bunch of other times besides the one you know about? That’s right, me.’ The he starts using the word and very repeatedly showing us how nervous he is about the fact that he has to tell his mom about everything he has tried doing in the past.

It is curious that in only one page we are able to really understand all the emotions he goes through in just a few minutes of his life. Right now he doesn’t understand the meaning of happiness. He thinks that he will only find it in this hospital and that he will be uncomfortable even in his own home.

‘Yeah, lets go home,” I say

“Home?”

‘I mean the Unit.” –page 164

In only four months the unit has become his home.

Even if he does experience joy outside the hospital he doesn’t understand why and he just prefers to go back to his room, at the hospital.

As soon as Brent understands that he is the one that controls his happiness and how he feels he will find happiness within himself. He needs to be in control. 

Visual Vocabulary The Burn Journals

Well, here goes a lot of medical terms.. I hope you don't get TOO bored... (i didn't)

Jobst: a brand of gradient compression garments 

Garments: Any article of clothing

Skin-grafting: To transplant the healthy skin from a patients body or another persons body to a wound or burn so new skin can be formed.

Cystic fibrosis:  is a hereditary chronic disease of the glands which produced viscid mucus which obstructs the pancreatic ducts leading to an infection od fibrosis.

Silvadene: is a brand name for silver sulfadizine.

Bacitracin: is a mixture of related cyclic polypeptides produced by organisms of the licheniformis group

Mesh:  any kind of knit, woven fabric of an open texture.

Burrowing:  It can be either a hole or tunnel in the ground made by a rabbit, fox, that serves as a  habitation and refuge. It can also be a place of retreat; shelter.

Skimpy: very small; to thrifty; short and revealing

Throb: to beat with increased force or very fast when you are under a lot of emotion or excitement.

Metamucil: Is a bulk-producing laxative and fiber supplement

Personality Gets the Heart

Regret. 

I regret going out last night. I regret fighting with my sister. I regret that I didn’t stay in AP Chemistry. I can say, that I regret all those things right now, and if I probably think about it for a while, I would find lots of things that I have regretted doing for a long time. Because I have, done a lot of things that I regret, but I understand that the people who love me, will love me even if I make mistakes or decisions that I will later regret. They love me for who I am and not for what I look like. I am not a very self-conscious person, and I can say that with confidence because even if I have felt that someone is better than me in many ways, maybe at soccer or at art, I still know that if maybe they are smarter at math, maybe I’m smarter at history.

Okay, so what am I getting too? I think we have all experienced the, “Oh s*!@t I look horrible in that picture” or the “Agh I don’t like how this shirt fits me. Especially girls, can understand where I come from when I say that. In the memoir The Burn Journals by Brent Runyon he is very self-conscious about his looks. He thinks that because of how he looks no one is ever going to love him, and he is wondering about that throughout the book.

“Mom, no one’s ever going to love me, are they?” says Brent in page 70 like if he were sure of this that he is saying and that there was in fact, no way that nobody would ever love him. He doesn’t even look at himself when he looks at the mirror and he says that he “tries not to look at his face” in page 180 and if he doesn’t want to look at himself, he obviously doesn’t want other people to look at him either, this is why in page 70 he says that he is going to live in a basement when he is older so no one has to look at him. This is normal for him to think about, his future and everything, but people are sometimes very superficial, and I would like to include myself in that group, because it might seem wrong but it’s the truth. People sometimes just think of what they look on the outside but they always forget that ‘Beauty gets the attention, but personality gets the heart.’

He is constantly repeating that he really regrets that he “shouldn’t of done that” pg 185 meaning that he shouldn’t of burned himself and that he should’ve stopped earlier. He worries a lot about this, and it is normal, because he does not yet understand that people fall in love with what kind of person you are right now and they don’t care about your past mistakes and they don’t care what you look like.

Choices

Brent’s Choices

There is going to be a lot of choices that you will have to make throughout your life. Some of the choices you make are probably going to be mistakes, but you learn from your mistakes and that is part of life. You are also going to make some really good choices, which will lead only to good things for yourself. Some of the choices you make will define who you are and that, is also part of life. 

In the book The Burn Journals Brent is faced with a lot of choices that he has to make in order to become an adult. The song Choices by George Jones talks about choices, obviously. He tells us that he has "had choices since the day he was born" Brent likewise has had to make a lot of decisions since he was born, and lots of little mistakes and little decisions make him do something terrible and this choice that he makes, he regrets during the whole book, during his whole life.

"There were voices

That told me right from wrong

If I had listened

No I wouldn't be here today

Living and dying"

This specific part of the song shows us that he has also had a lot of influence in his life and that he understands the concepts of right and wrong. He understands that if he had listened to the persons that where trying to guide him, he wouldn’t be in the position that he is in today. This is in some ways, what Brent is feeling today, he really had no mayor reason to make the decision that he made that day he decided to burn himself, and today he is in a lot of pain because of that. He doesn’t want to be in pain and this is why Brent tries to remind himself what it is like to be happy so that when “he gets home, he wont try to hurt himself again” page 90 he doesn’t want to keep hurting.

He has made wrong decisions in the past this is why when he is happy it is very unnatural. He is not used to being happy. He has been unhappy for a very long period of time because of his mistakes. “I don’t think I’ve ever been this happy” says Brent in page 95 when he is laying on his bed just staring at the pictures of his friends and family in the walls.

Every day you are going to be faced with choices. Whether or not to do your homework, whether or not to go to the party instead of staying home, whether or not lie to you parents. It’s the decision you make about those choices that make you who you are.